


Not even if you were the last Man on Earth

by amerasu1013 (amerasu_1013)



Series: Football One-shots [2]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Background Relationships, Crack, M/M, The Seriker is all off-screen, Zlatan being Zlatan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 22:57:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21005543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amerasu_1013/pseuds/amerasu1013
Summary: Mourinho hits on Zlatan. Zlatan does not approve of this.





	Not even if you were the last Man on Earth

**Author's Note:**

> If you like Mourinho, stay away from this. If you don't like crack, stay away from this...  
This was originally mostly a way to mess with [zilldk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zilldk/pseuds/zilldk), she said something along the lines of how she'd never read fic with Mourinho and/or Zlatan, so of course I wrote her some. This is unbetaed but there won't be any mistakes in here because Zlatan is always perfect.  
(Don't tell him, but if you DO find any mistakes, please let me know. English is not my first language.)

Zlatan straightens to his full height (which is, of course, a very impressive height) and stares at Mourinho in disbelief. Did this… little man really say what Zlatan thinks he just said?! But Mourinho just stares (up) at Zlatan, openly meeting the Swede’s affronted glare.

Zlatan crosses his arms and sneers. “No.” He says emphatically. “Zlatan would not bend over for you even if you were the last man on earth.”

His sneer widens when Mourinho’s eyes narrow angrily. “Zlatan will go now. You will stay here and find someone else to fuck you. If you can - Zlatan does not think it will be easy for you. You look like an angry caterpillar and smell like a desperate otter.”

Mourinho clearly hasn’t noticed Iker Casillas coming closer and stopping to listen in, but Zlatan has. He adds, smirking devilishly, for Iker’s benefit: “Zlatan knows how you treat your lovers, he has heard stories. And even if that weren’t true, Zlatan has no interest in you, little man. You lack certain things Zlatan wants in his lovers: decency, and a _ spine _.”

Casillas barks out a surprised laugh while Mourinho’s face slowly reddens in angry embarrassment. Zlatan throws him a last sneer and then walks past Casillas, throwing him a roguish wink. Maybe this will finally make Casillas forgive him for hitting on Ramos. Or maybe, he thinks as Casillas smiles at him and invites Zlatan to a drink at the bar, it will even lead to bigger things. He has been thinking about having a threesome with Casillas and his boy for a while now… and Zlatan is pretty sure he can convince Iker of how brilliant this idea is. They can bond over their dislike of Mourinho. He might even bend over for Casillas. But only if he asks Zlatan nicely...

**Author's Note:**

> I have more stuff that I'm gonna post soon. Sergio and Fernando Torres, Gerard Piqué, more Sergio and Iker and some other pretty rare pairings. Stay tuned :)


End file.
